Whenever I see dirty water, I have a desire to jump into it. It has become so much of my nature that only afterwards I realise my mistake. It can take days to cleanse myself.
What is this compulsion within me? Am I the like child that enjoys playing with mud just to get dirty?
I want to learn to control this urge. My desire is to be able to stop and stand, to smile sweetly at others, and allow them to enjoy their bath. I wish to remain silent.