Dear God,

I know this might come as a bit of a surprise to you but I’ve decided to believe in you.


You see lots of Christians seemed very concerned about me and my friends and often ask us ‘why can’t you just believe in God and then you won’t have to worry when you die’.

Well I thought this was a very strong intellectual argument so I’ve decided to give it a go. In fact I’m going to believe in you right……wait for it…..NOW! There, how does that feel? I haven’t to admit I don’t feel any different but I’m sure it’s made a huge difference to your existence. I guess I should ask, “how do you feel God?”, knowing that I now believe in you.

I know it might seem a little intellectually dishonest to believe in something that I don’t, but hey, people convince themselves to believe all sorts of stuff every day don’t they? And what’s a little loss of integrity amongst friends if it means I’ll be OK when I die?

GodGodI’m assured I have nothing to lose by believing in you, so I hope you won’t mind if I don’t give up my critical abilities. That means I won’t, of course, be able to believe that the bible is Your inspired Word or even that the Qur’an was dictated by you. I won’t be able to believe that Jesus is your son or my Lord and Saviour or that Mohammed was a prophet. I won’t also be able to believe in talking animals and reptiles or that anyone except for Criss Angel and Dynamo can walk on water. But then that wasn’t part of the deal these Christians presented to me.

Although I don’t consider myself a particularly immoral person, changing my behaviour and transforming myself was also not part of the deal.

Believe-in-GodOne more thing. I know this is supposed to guarantee my ticket to heaven but I’d much rather go to that other place. You see I like warm weather, lots of my friends are going to be there, and I really don’t think I could sit in heaven praising you all day long (do you have days  in heaven?) and sit and gloat at those burning in hell. So I wonder if you wouldn’t mind sending me to see your old mate but ask him to take things a bit easy on me and not rupture my sphincter muscle with barbed wire!

So you and all my Christian friends can now breathe a sigh of relief. Well that wasn’t so hard was it God?